Have you ever noticed how, when your child is upset, they don’t actually want a solution right away?
They want to be heard.
It’s one of those things that seems so obvious when you think about it, yet in the heat of the moment, it’s so easy to forget.
I was reminded of this just this morning when I had two (out of three!) school-resisters who absolutely did not want to go to school.
One of my boys, in particular, was really digging his heels in. No matter what I said, he refused to get ready.
My instinct? To fix the problem immediately.
"Come on, you loved school last week!"
"You don’t have a choice, school isn’t optional!"
But here’s the thing—when kids are upset, they aren’t thinking logically. Their brains are in fight-or-flight mode, meaning no amount of reasoning is going to work until they feel understood.
Instead of trying to convince him, I paused and said:
“You’re feeling really worried about school today.”
And that’s when everything changed.
He stopped, thought for a moment, and said: “I don’t know what’s happening today.”
Ah. That was the real issue.
We talked about how he likes knowing what to expect, how he had art yesterday but wasn’t sure what today would bring. Together, we came up with a plan:
As soon as we got to class, he’d ask his teacher what was on the schedule for the day.
And just like that, the resistance melted away.
No yelling. No dragging him out the door while he screamed. Just understanding, problem-solving, and connection.
Why Validation Works (Even When You’re in a Hurry)
I know what you might be thinking.
"That sounds nice in theory, but mornings are chaos—I don’t have time to sit and validate feelings when we need to be out the door by 8am!"
I hear you. And I promise—this doesn’t take extra time. It actually saves you time.
Think about the alternative. When kids feel unheard, what do they do?
They dig their heels in. They argue. They escalate.
And suddenly, what could have been a 10-second moment of connection turns into a 20-minute meltdown—complete with stress, yelling, and a whole lot of regret.
When you validate first, your child feels safe. Their brain moves out of fight-or-flight mode, and they become way more likely to cooperate.
Validation isn’t giving in. It’s not saying “Yes, you can stay home” when that’s not an option.
It’s simply saying: "I see you. I hear you. Your feelings matter."
How to Use This in Everyday Parenting
The magic of validation isn’t just for school struggles—it works in so many situations.
Car seat battles? "You don’t like getting strapped in. You wish you could sit anywhere you want."
Meltdowns at the shops? "You’re really frustrated that we can’t buy that today. It’s hard when you really want something and the answer is no."
Bedtime resistance? "You’re not feeling tired yet. You’d rather keep playing."
Will it instantly ‘fix’ the problem? Not always. But it will create the emotional safety your child needs to move forward without a battle.
And as a bonus? It helps you stay calm too—because you’re not spending all your energy convincing, demanding, or forcing your child to comply.
Making Validation a Daily Habit
Like anything in parenting, this takes practice.
At first, it might feel unnatural. Maybe you’ll catch yourself mid-sentence, realising you’re about to convince instead of validate. And that’s okay!
Start small. Try validating once today—just one moment where you pause and acknowledge your child’s feelings before moving into problem-solving.
I promise, the more you do it, the more natural it will feel. And before you know it, you’ll have fewer power struggles, fewer meltdowns, and way more connection.
Want More Help Putting This Into Practice?
These small shifts in how we respond can have a big impact on how our days unfold.
And if you’re ready to start responding to tricky moments with more patience, confidence, and connection, I’d love to support you inside my VIP 1:1 Mindful Parenting Coaching.
In 8 private coaching sessions, I’ll teach you exactly how to:
✔ Stay calm when your child pushes your buttons
✔ Communicate in a way your child actually listens to
✔ Rebuild the connection that makes everything easier
✔ Set boundaries without power struggles
✔ Break free from the yelling-guilt cycle
This isn’t just another parenting course—it’s a live, personalised experience where I walk you through the tools that will truly change the way you parent.
Click here to find out more and start your journey 🥰.
About me
Hey there, I'm Nina, a mother of three energetic boys. I'm a certified Mindful Parenting Coach and Head and Heart Mindfulness Instructor.
I truly understand the challenges of parenting - just a couple of years back, I was a tired and frustrated mum struggling with the demands of motherhood.
My mindfulness journey began nearly three years ago when my youngest child was born. I transitioned from being stressed, overwhelmed, and prone to anger, to being composed, serene, and deeply connected with my children.
Becoming a mindful parenting has brought about remarkable transformations for me and my family, especially my boys!
If you're interested in learning more about making mornings easier for you, I'm your girl!
If you’re caught in the cycle of power struggles, meltdowns, and feeling like you’re always one step away from losing it… I see you.
I’ve been there too. And I know just how exhausting it feels.
But here’s the truth: Parenting can feel easier. It can feel lighter. And it starts with small shifts—just like this one.
Let’s chat about how my coaching can help—book a free 15-minute call here."*
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